Wait, Seriously, What’s the Male Equivalent of Lingerie?

The question sparked a fantastic conversation on Reddit, and now we can’t stop thinking about it.

Credit: Getty Images.

There are things so deeply ingrained in our collective imagination that we rarely stop to question them. One example of this is that lingerie is sexy (for whom, why, and whether it’s actually comfortable are conversations for another time).

Personally, I can’t help but think that, at some point, a couple of centuries ago, it was the symbol of liberation from corsets. Nowadays, of course, the argument that lingerie has become a means of objectifying the female body is a completely valid point.

However, while reflecting on what it is and what it’s for, a Reddit user came up with this brilliant question: What is the male equivalent?

The fact is, we’ve talked so much about female beauty that, often—and to the detriment of my heterosexual and bisexual friends—we’ve overlooked what is visually appealing in a man in certain contexts.

The responses are revealing.

“Fresh out of the shower, with wet hair and a towel tightly wrapped around his waist,” one user replied. “After 40 years of marriage, my husband still makes my heart race.”

Speak of relationship goals.

Another user shared their experience from their perspective as a man: “Wife walked into the bedroom to go to bed as I was getting up (she’s a night owl to say the least). I hadn’t done anything other than strip out of my night clothes (tee shirt and tighties) and was standing there naked. She let out a little squeal. After 38 years of marriage, I’ll take it!

Aprons (especially denim ones) with no shirt, nothing but oven mitts, suspenders, jeans, and a shirt buttoned up with the sleeves rolled up… the answers are so diverse it’s almost beautiful to read.

It turns out that, in reality, the female erotic imagination is much more diverse and creative than we thought.

I did my own research, too.

I decided that perhaps the answers from Latinas might be culturally specific. I asked my colleagues and friends, and I have to admit, they didn’t disappoint.

“Sweatpants,” a colleague told me. “There’s something about them that gives off a ‘I’m not trying too hard’ vibe, which I find really sexy.”

My best friend was more specific: “Gray sweatpants,” she said. “There’s something about that color that lets you guess what’s underneath.”

“Sleeveless T-shirts,” said another, laughing. “Even if there aren’t any muscles there.”

Although most of my friends agreed on anything related to cooking, one was very specific about the image of a sweaty man after working out. Though she also agreed on “whatever he’s wearing while he cooks,” so I think there’s something important there.

The wide gap in perceptions.

The biggest takeaway from this experiment has been the disconnect between women’s perceptions and men's beliefs about where their own appeal lies.

And yes, perhaps it has to do with so many decades of focusing sexual objectification on women. Have we forgotten to explore the erotic in men, then?

More recently, shows like “Heated Rivalry” proved that what women find sexy in a man isn’t necessarily an athletic body (though it seems to help a lot). Rather, it’s precisely that kind of sensitivity, the absence of masculine performativity as men have invented it in their own minds. It’s a man who cooks, the delicate vulnerability of a towel around his hips.

While men think their masculinity lies in the truck, the money, the inherent violence of the vernacular macho, on the other side of the spectrum, things are perceived in a radically opposite way.

What’s more, it seems that while for many men what’s sexy about a woman is her lingerie, for women it’s a web of meanings that, truth be told, they should start sharing out loud with the opposite sex.