Op-Ed: Beyond Rutila Casillas
What a decade on “El Señor de los Cielos” taught me about being a woman and an actress.
By Carmen Aub.
I remember an old home video shot on a camcorder. I’m about nine, missing a tooth, and dressed in pink. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered without hesitation: famous.
Today, I think about my inner child—the one I cry with after a “NO” at an audition, and the one I celebrate with by dancing to the songs from “El Diario de Daniela”. With a career spanning nearly 17 years, much of my life has unfolded on set. I started fueled by goals, but also shadowed by insecurities about what it truly meant to be an actress.
Over the years, I discovered that I wasn’t looking for fame; I wanted to be taken seriously.
I wanted to be respected for my work, my talent, and who I am. Fame can come through many paths, but building a career and finding your place within an industry is something completely different.
When I was 20 years old, I got the call that changed my life: “You got the role of Flor Cáceres for ‘¿Dónde está Elisa?’” Without knowing it, that milestone would bring questions about appearance, physical standards, and the expectations we women face. However, the true turning point came in 2014 when I joined the cast of “El Señor de los Cielos” to play Rutila Casillas.
Spending over a decade on such a production was a unique era of growth.
I matured alongside the series in the public eye, learning that a character can become a powerful reflection for the audience.
In the beginning, joining a story that portrays such raw worlds meant challenging stigmas and traditional narratives. But Rutila broke paradigms by showing a woman with power, a voice, ambition, and the agency to make her own decisions. Through characters like Rutila Casillas, Mónica Robles, and Diana Ahumada, I realized that women do not have to choose just one version of themselves. We can be feminine and strong, sensitive and powerful, vulnerable and capable.
I also learned the value of women supporting women.
For a long time, we were taught to compete against one another, when in reality, we go further by lifting each other up. That doesn’t mean we stop being human; we might feel insecure or envious because those emotions exist, but the difference lies in how we respond to them. I have learned to transform those feelings into admiration, allowing me to look at another actress and say, “You deserve this, you are amazing.”
While we have made progress, there is still a long way to go. More and more women are occupying key spaces as leaders, entrepreneurs, and activists, yet we continue to face inequalities. We still earn less than our male colleagues, and we face twice the pressure to prove our capability in an industry where physical appearance and age seem to have a countdown clock.
When a woman stands firm in negotiations or sets boundaries, she is often stigmatized as “difficult,” “demanding,” or a “diva,” whereas that exact same behavior in a man is applauded as leadership and strength of character. I learned that you can be kind and firm at the same time, without shrinking yourself to be accepted.
And over the years, I have also witnessed the immense pressure surrounding aging.
For a woman, growing older still feels like something we are supposed to hide, as if the years strip away our value. Experience is celebrated in men, but for us, it becomes a contradictory demand: to possess the maturity of age, but the appearance of youth.
If I could look back today and speak to that nine-year-old girl, or to the young Carmen who stepped onto the set of “El Señor de los Cielos” for the very first time, I would tell her not to confuse fame with a calling. I would tell her never to lose her peace chasing approval, and that her worth isn’t found in likes, but in what is real.
I would also tell her to be bolder in defending herself, to ask for what she deserves. To remember that the entertainment world, while a place where dreams come true, is still a business. And just like in any business, everyone looks out for their own interests. That is why we must learn to look out for ourselves and confidently occupy the space we have worked so hard for.
Now, as a mother, I understand these expectations even more deeply, and I embrace the past 17 years with gratitude. What comes next for me is to keep building, exploring new facets, and leading my own projects, all while keeping my values and the voice I discovered along the way fully intact.